How to Write a Book Review

ATTENTION: these steps should not be taken until your deadline looms large. As a general rule, they are most effective in the final 48-72 hours.

1) Procure copy of book. The more difficult the text, the better. If the publisher offers only e-copies and you prefer paper, perfect.

2) Ensconce self on couch to read, preferably with afghan or quilt. This should produce one or more feline companions. (NOTE: if you do not yet have feline companions, head to your nearest animal shelter ASAP.)

3) If you get too hot, gently encourage kitty to move. If gentle prods fail, try cat treats.

4) While you're at it, get human treats. You may need to clean the toaster, coffeemaker, and hot air popper first.  This is best done within 48 hours of your deadline.

5) Resume position on couch. Acquire more cats.

6) Eventually, you will finish reading. Now it is time to go over your notes. Cats are useful in this step as well.

7) Compose your review. This may be typed on a computer directly, or, if you are old-fashioned like me, drafted by hand. Cats may serve –at their discretion– as affectionate, furry paperweights.

8) Type up your final draft. Ideally you will do this no more than 24 hours before your deadline. You will be at your most productive, and your cats will be at their most helpful, usually as guardians of the laptop, barriers to the screen (this prevents eye strain), or again, as paperweights. If they are feeling peckish, they may also help you diet by purloining some of your snacks.

9) Submit review. 

10) Revise as needed. Otherwise, accept editor's praise. 

You are done! You and your cats can take a well-earned nap.